TWO YEARS
As I watch the blooming of the earth again after the quiet winter, again I learn lessons of encouragement. No matter how cold or how much snow we had during the winter, life was not snuffed out. Life lay dormant but not dead. As the seasons changed and the earth provides the right environment to bloom again, I see a parallel in my own life.
Life has been mostly alone. I work daily finding that this is my work and ministry. The gals i work with provide my daily family structure. On the week-ends it is alone time and I have profited from that. The Cottage takes time and that keeps me on my toes.
June 23 will come and go and life will go on--a new life-- and I hope that after dormancy, it will bloom as the nourishment of the long, 2 years without Bob continues to feed me. Yes, I miss him and at times I am still ambushed by tears, emotions and missing him.
What will happen tomorrow? I will work with a full day of seeing clients, glad to be in the car driving most of the day and clients not aware of what my heart is feeling.
Tomorrow, the Weaver Olson's begin their journey back to MN. Quite symbolic I think. Karen and Ethan will remember and then we continue to live with out Bob and forging a new life.
Tomorrow I will close the account at the bank and send the memorial check to Bethel University to begin a scholarship fund for minority students of need.
Shalom
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Monday, May 31, 2010
Memorial Week-End 2010
I began the week-end by reading the postings of CaringBridge 2 years ago. On that day, Bob was having a good day. I know that some may think I should "get on with life" but I have found that I must travel the journey that I feel is right for me. That is where my healing needs to come from. I went to the Farmers Market on Saturday to get some produce and there was Juli and Phil my friends from Mayo that were at my side on some of the most difficult days of Bob's illness. They were with friends and and I was invited out to lunch with them. That was great and good. Those merices are so welcomed.
It was also the week-end that my friend John, (he led Bob's service in Lanesboro and he and his wife Ruth found The Shire) moved to PA. He too is starting a new life as Ruth died about a year ago of CA. They have been our friends for years and John was probably one of Bob's closest friends. They retired from Bethel the same year. That had a strange impact on me--as it seems like another part of Bob's life left.
I was busy with the yard and it was hot and muggy, but I didn't seem to mind--just Charley who was in need of a haircut! Some beautiful music was winging its way through the windowns and God was present in a meaningful way.
In watching some of the Memorial Services, one serviceman mentioned that when he is in battle, what he thinks about is just going home. Like the bullets of war, they just keep coming your way, you dodge, some get you and some just take care of themselves. Without being profane in meaning, that is how the last 2 years has felt at times. You dodge this and that in the middle of your pain--some issues get you and other just keep on going.
The good news for me is that the greatest teacher and mentor has been my grief, pain and healing. It has taught me to be transformed that no matter what comes, the inward Ann will go on living--two steps forward and sometimes 3 steps back, but you just keep living and try not to dwell on the life that is no more, but find God's answers and guidance, " For such a time as this."
If you have prayed, please keep on holding all of us up to His guidance and reminders of His love for us. There has been change--and I believe that it is good.
Shalom,
Ann
It was also the week-end that my friend John, (he led Bob's service in Lanesboro and he and his wife Ruth found The Shire) moved to PA. He too is starting a new life as Ruth died about a year ago of CA. They have been our friends for years and John was probably one of Bob's closest friends. They retired from Bethel the same year. That had a strange impact on me--as it seems like another part of Bob's life left.
I was busy with the yard and it was hot and muggy, but I didn't seem to mind--just Charley who was in need of a haircut! Some beautiful music was winging its way through the windowns and God was present in a meaningful way.
In watching some of the Memorial Services, one serviceman mentioned that when he is in battle, what he thinks about is just going home. Like the bullets of war, they just keep coming your way, you dodge, some get you and some just take care of themselves. Without being profane in meaning, that is how the last 2 years has felt at times. You dodge this and that in the middle of your pain--some issues get you and other just keep on going.
The good news for me is that the greatest teacher and mentor has been my grief, pain and healing. It has taught me to be transformed that no matter what comes, the inward Ann will go on living--two steps forward and sometimes 3 steps back, but you just keep living and try not to dwell on the life that is no more, but find God's answers and guidance, " For such a time as this."
If you have prayed, please keep on holding all of us up to His guidance and reminders of His love for us. There has been change--and I believe that it is good.
Shalom,
Ann
Sunday, March 28, 2010
The Hole
It seems like my postings are when "trouble" strikes or a event of note. Anyway, last Wednesday I had the macular hole repaired. As we know now, the surgeon says that all went fine. It was quite a light show. I had conscious sedation so I saw and heard everything. The eye is amazing. I saw as the surgeon peeled the membrane from the macula and then the insertion of the gas bubble. It was really something. I have another appointment tomorrow and hopefully a good report. Karen left yesterday after assisting in many ways and what a help she was. The hardest part was lying face down for the first 24 hours. I had a sore neck for a couple of days and now that has passed. I feel like I am in a silent retreat that I had not really imagined. I cannot drive, read for very long as my "good"eye gets quite tired. So this is short as I look at the computer the eyes are not down.
I have done quite a bit of reflection. It was 2 years ago last night that in my sporadic journal that I was suspecting that something was very wrong with Bob's hip. It seems like the battle has not let up much.
I have learned so much, felt so much and still come to the conclusion that this is life and now I must embrace it with the Grace of God to teach me the obedience of being a disciple.
Shalom,
Ann
I have done quite a bit of reflection. It was 2 years ago last night that in my sporadic journal that I was suspecting that something was very wrong with Bob's hip. It seems like the battle has not let up much.
I have learned so much, felt so much and still come to the conclusion that this is life and now I must embrace it with the Grace of God to teach me the obedience of being a disciple.
Shalom,
Ann
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Under The Knife
Another journey. Yesterday was the cataract surgery to prepare me for the retina surgery in March. It all went well and the surgeon was pleased with what he saw this morning before I came home. I was prepared for...well, I don't know what. There were lots of memories at the hospital that I thought would do me in but The Peace Of God surrounded me as again, as by myself I faced another challenge.
My friend from work, Jan took me to Rochester after work Tuesday so if we faced some bad weather, we would not have to drive the day of the surgery. I stayed with Julie and Phil for 2 nights and after the check this am, Juli brought me home then Charley arrived as another friend brought him home after caring for him. Rachel helped me take down the Christmas tree as it was too heavy for me to do alone and vacumned for me.
Thank you to those who prayed as I felt comforted by the surgery team who was wonderful and I was ready to leave the hospital about a hour after surgery. The car is getting some repairs also so I might go in to work tomorrow for 1/2 day to do some end of the month paper work. Blessings to all--I am doing well. I have to put 3 different meds in my eye 4x/day for a week. Now I can really relate to some of my clients!! Shalom, Ann
My friend from work, Jan took me to Rochester after work Tuesday so if we faced some bad weather, we would not have to drive the day of the surgery. I stayed with Julie and Phil for 2 nights and after the check this am, Juli brought me home then Charley arrived as another friend brought him home after caring for him. Rachel helped me take down the Christmas tree as it was too heavy for me to do alone and vacumned for me.
Thank you to those who prayed as I felt comforted by the surgery team who was wonderful and I was ready to leave the hospital about a hour after surgery. The car is getting some repairs also so I might go in to work tomorrow for 1/2 day to do some end of the month paper work. Blessings to all--I am doing well. I have to put 3 different meds in my eye 4x/day for a week. Now I can really relate to some of my clients!! Shalom, Ann
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Reflections
Christmas is past, a new year has begun and on we go. The other day as I was sitting in my "quiet room" for some meditation, I had a candle lit as it always helps me focus and I love candles. I didn't get the windows covered this year, so they were a little frosty. I noticed however, that the frost was slowly melting as the heat from the candle kept burning. That spoke to me as a illustration. The light shines and the warmth melts the frost and I think that is how I will describe that lesson for myself.
Christmas was spent with Karen, Mike and Ethan and we had a good time "creaming" the guys in bowling with Karen's new Wii. New Years was quiet at home with a movie and reflecting.
Last year seems like many "breakdowns" from the land and machinery. Now as I start another year, there seems to be a break down in my eyes. I have a macular hole in my left eye with a cataract. I will let you Google the word and find out all about it. I certainly did not expect that news as all I went in for was to get new glasses. Another stretch and learning experience to say the least. My cataract surgery will be the end of the month and then the retina surgeon will do the MH repair about a month from that at Mayo. The surgeon says that my right eye is vulnurable for the same thing. The good news is that the surgeon said that I did not have to lie on my stomach for two weeks with my head down. He said that he requires my head to be down for 24 hours. I asked why the change from what I had read? He said that the literature is not quite up to date but that he has had 100% repair success. He also said that I would probably not have full 20/20 vision again, but I should see better than what I see now. A friend of mine from work took off work and drove me. What a gal.
It was so good to hear from so many of you the past two months. It warmed my heart to be in touch with so many again.
It has been difficult this week-end as Micah and Natalie have been sick. They have Micah at urgent care now and it is hard to be so far away that I cannot help. I have experienced the Peace of God which is not understandable, but it is there.
Shalom, Ann
Christmas was spent with Karen, Mike and Ethan and we had a good time "creaming" the guys in bowling with Karen's new Wii. New Years was quiet at home with a movie and reflecting.
Last year seems like many "breakdowns" from the land and machinery. Now as I start another year, there seems to be a break down in my eyes. I have a macular hole in my left eye with a cataract. I will let you Google the word and find out all about it. I certainly did not expect that news as all I went in for was to get new glasses. Another stretch and learning experience to say the least. My cataract surgery will be the end of the month and then the retina surgeon will do the MH repair about a month from that at Mayo. The surgeon says that my right eye is vulnurable for the same thing. The good news is that the surgeon said that I did not have to lie on my stomach for two weeks with my head down. He said that he requires my head to be down for 24 hours. I asked why the change from what I had read? He said that the literature is not quite up to date but that he has had 100% repair success. He also said that I would probably not have full 20/20 vision again, but I should see better than what I see now. A friend of mine from work took off work and drove me. What a gal.
It was so good to hear from so many of you the past two months. It warmed my heart to be in touch with so many again.
It has been difficult this week-end as Micah and Natalie have been sick. They have Micah at urgent care now and it is hard to be so far away that I cannot help. I have experienced the Peace of God which is not understandable, but it is there.
Shalom, Ann
Thursday, October 8, 2009
October Wonder-2009
I guess three months is long enough to be silent. The other morning as Charley and I were walking, it reminded me of a year ago of the darkness of the sky, the full moon and the promise of the guidance of the light to guide--I continue to sense direction.
After 4 trips to San Diego to help the Weaver Olsons over some difficult times was no match for the joy of being with Natalie and Micah. Yes, it is fun when Ethan is in town too. Of course with the joy is the heartbreak of saying good-by. Naturally they are the brighest and most beautiful children since mine! It continues to be sad for me to come home to a dark, house by myself. This summer as I have come home from a trip, I no longer expected Bob to be here. I just really missed that he was not here. He had a meal ready, a cup of coffee or even meet me at the airport. Now it is finding my way on the Lightrail, walking to Karen and Mikes, getting in the car and driving home. On the last trip as I rounded a bend near home, a tree had fallen over the road and just splintered. So here I am at 9:30 at night, lifting logs off the road so I can pass! A new normal.
Work is busy with its joys and heartbreaks. What touches me the most are the clients that are really lonely and with minimal support systems. Then there are those that I feel drawn to, and have wondered if there is a professional boundary that I am crossing. One friend at work says to enjoy the relationships as it balances the difficult ones that I see. When you walk into a home, she gives you a hug, shares a difficult time and then sends you on your way with 3 different kinds of cookies, now how bad is that?
The Cottage is busy as usual in the fall, but that too is enjoyable. Meeting those that leave saying they are renewed! The beauty of the 4 seasons is always inspiring as you see the golds, yellows, reds and the greens as they fade.
This summer has found me visiting with some Bethel friends who have come down and colleagues of Bob's. Yes, the memories and the joy of friends that care.
Dick still comes every Monday and mows ALL of the lawns. What a servant. I had a energy audit on the house and that was an encouragement--better than I thought. There are some things that need done and I think that I can do most of them--I THINK!!
So for now, it is time to get some rest and say, GO TWINS AND GO VIKINGS!
shalom,
ann
After 4 trips to San Diego to help the Weaver Olsons over some difficult times was no match for the joy of being with Natalie and Micah. Yes, it is fun when Ethan is in town too. Of course with the joy is the heartbreak of saying good-by. Naturally they are the brighest and most beautiful children since mine! It continues to be sad for me to come home to a dark, house by myself. This summer as I have come home from a trip, I no longer expected Bob to be here. I just really missed that he was not here. He had a meal ready, a cup of coffee or even meet me at the airport. Now it is finding my way on the Lightrail, walking to Karen and Mikes, getting in the car and driving home. On the last trip as I rounded a bend near home, a tree had fallen over the road and just splintered. So here I am at 9:30 at night, lifting logs off the road so I can pass! A new normal.
Work is busy with its joys and heartbreaks. What touches me the most are the clients that are really lonely and with minimal support systems. Then there are those that I feel drawn to, and have wondered if there is a professional boundary that I am crossing. One friend at work says to enjoy the relationships as it balances the difficult ones that I see. When you walk into a home, she gives you a hug, shares a difficult time and then sends you on your way with 3 different kinds of cookies, now how bad is that?
The Cottage is busy as usual in the fall, but that too is enjoyable. Meeting those that leave saying they are renewed! The beauty of the 4 seasons is always inspiring as you see the golds, yellows, reds and the greens as they fade.
This summer has found me visiting with some Bethel friends who have come down and colleagues of Bob's. Yes, the memories and the joy of friends that care.
Dick still comes every Monday and mows ALL of the lawns. What a servant. I had a energy audit on the house and that was an encouragement--better than I thought. There are some things that need done and I think that I can do most of them--I THINK!!
So for now, it is time to get some rest and say, GO TWINS AND GO VIKINGS!
shalom,
ann
Sunday, July 19, 2009
July in San Diego
It went way too fast, that week in July with Natalie! I was warned but the reality of a little girl now and not a baby was just fun. I must admit to coming home a little tired with a cold and of course, we passed it around but Mama says that both are on the upswing now.
It was so good to be with family on Sunday as my nieces gave a shower for Kimberly and Nate. Nate's family was there too and so Natalie was in her glory with Shaun, Ella and Judah.
We are still waiting for baby boy who is due basically any time now. Kimberly is tired and who wouldn't be running after a 19 month old and probably a 8# plus baby. She was able to finish her last three shifts of work. Nate came home safe and felt that the time in Bolivia was profitable.
I have been able to see Ethan not only in SD but in Rochester too. He has been working at Mayo on a big project, so I really like this a lot.
Karen and Mike took a vacation out East and I am anxious to hear all about it.
I continue to struggle at times with priorities as there is always something that needs to be done or fixed. I was able to get the largest lilac bush trimmed and now there is one more to go. Dick faithfully comes out to mow every week but the last time the mower broke down. It was fixed and delivered the next day, so I finished up the mowing after I got back to Lanesboro.
Since not feeling too well, I can tell that it has affected my emotions. Or then, maybe it is just a ambush of remembering.
Well, I go on with the knowing that I have so much to be thankful for, and that is my song.
Shalom,
Ann
It was so good to be with family on Sunday as my nieces gave a shower for Kimberly and Nate. Nate's family was there too and so Natalie was in her glory with Shaun, Ella and Judah.
We are still waiting for baby boy who is due basically any time now. Kimberly is tired and who wouldn't be running after a 19 month old and probably a 8# plus baby. She was able to finish her last three shifts of work. Nate came home safe and felt that the time in Bolivia was profitable.
I have been able to see Ethan not only in SD but in Rochester too. He has been working at Mayo on a big project, so I really like this a lot.
Karen and Mike took a vacation out East and I am anxious to hear all about it.
I continue to struggle at times with priorities as there is always something that needs to be done or fixed. I was able to get the largest lilac bush trimmed and now there is one more to go. Dick faithfully comes out to mow every week but the last time the mower broke down. It was fixed and delivered the next day, so I finished up the mowing after I got back to Lanesboro.
Since not feeling too well, I can tell that it has affected my emotions. Or then, maybe it is just a ambush of remembering.
Well, I go on with the knowing that I have so much to be thankful for, and that is my song.
Shalom,
Ann
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Year One Is Gone,
I did not intend to write on the blog as there are so many things that need to be done this Saturday, but I will do it anyway. This may be a procrastinating thing, but so be it.
Bob left us one year ago, June 23, 2008. The Saturday following which I am remembering today, was his service of remembering here at The Shire. The last month or two has been more "raw" than I expected. Here again, there is no right or wrong in mourning, it just happens.
Ethan was here over the week-end and bless his heart, he timed vacation around this time and it was good to have him around. He even discovered termites in the garage, and I guess I am glad for that--something else to deal with.
Tuesday Ethan, Karen and myself headed to the North Shore where many memories were made and where Bob loved to go with anyone who would go. I think he especially enjoyed men as they do not cart in so much "stuff." Ethan took us to the lake where they put the canoes in to portage. I could just visualize how it was all happened years ago. Then we headed for the shore on Lake Superior where camp was set up--for the two young ones--and a fire was started and we sat around telling stories. Fortunately with Karen's IPhone, we were able to get good reception with Kimberly in San Diego and with speaker phone it was second best to having here with us.
I was greatful to Sandi and the children for inviting Kimberly and Natalie for a visit on June 23. Life has really changed as this is the first year in many that S/S and the 3 E's have not been here with us. Life is different in so many ways.
For me, it was good to go to the North Shore. There was some closure for me as the beauty of the Boundry Waters were right before us--something Bob loved. Most of the Lakes do not allow motorized boats--only canoes. The peace of the area was healing . As I drove back to the Shire, my emotions were renewed to the emotions I felt when we drove home after leaving the hospital and coming home one year ago. Some of the rawness was not there but the finality of this new life was there. I get ready to unlock the door, and in looking down is a box!!! In it a dozen red roses!! The flood gates of tears took over--and my brother John remembered again!!
Now as I try to focus on being present with God and the life that He wants from me, I am at Peace. One of the events of life beyond now is the visit to San Diego to assist Kimberly and Natalie as Kimberly continues to work while Nate is in Bolivia doing research for his Thesis. Baby sitting your grandchild is really tough but someone has to do it. I will then have to go back the first of August to welcome Natalie's little brother.
Every Tuesday, I come home from work and there is Dick mowing ALL of the lawns. What a gift! I keep checking the gas cans to keep then filled and they are always full. I think that Dick and I have to have a discussion! Dick's wife, Diane, has pulled so many weeds for the land. Those two have been wonderful stewards of the land.
For now, there is much to get done but I have had some great times of Solitude this morning as it has rained most of the morning. Reminded me of the service a year ago.
Thank you to all for your support in prayers, the e-mails, cards and especially to those who remembered a year ago and let me know.
Shalom,
Ann
Bob left us one year ago, June 23, 2008. The Saturday following which I am remembering today, was his service of remembering here at The Shire. The last month or two has been more "raw" than I expected. Here again, there is no right or wrong in mourning, it just happens.
Ethan was here over the week-end and bless his heart, he timed vacation around this time and it was good to have him around. He even discovered termites in the garage, and I guess I am glad for that--something else to deal with.
Tuesday Ethan, Karen and myself headed to the North Shore where many memories were made and where Bob loved to go with anyone who would go. I think he especially enjoyed men as they do not cart in so much "stuff." Ethan took us to the lake where they put the canoes in to portage. I could just visualize how it was all happened years ago. Then we headed for the shore on Lake Superior where camp was set up--for the two young ones--and a fire was started and we sat around telling stories. Fortunately with Karen's IPhone, we were able to get good reception with Kimberly in San Diego and with speaker phone it was second best to having here with us.
I was greatful to Sandi and the children for inviting Kimberly and Natalie for a visit on June 23. Life has really changed as this is the first year in many that S/S and the 3 E's have not been here with us. Life is different in so many ways.
For me, it was good to go to the North Shore. There was some closure for me as the beauty of the Boundry Waters were right before us--something Bob loved. Most of the Lakes do not allow motorized boats--only canoes. The peace of the area was healing . As I drove back to the Shire, my emotions were renewed to the emotions I felt when we drove home after leaving the hospital and coming home one year ago. Some of the rawness was not there but the finality of this new life was there. I get ready to unlock the door, and in looking down is a box!!! In it a dozen red roses!! The flood gates of tears took over--and my brother John remembered again!!
Now as I try to focus on being present with God and the life that He wants from me, I am at Peace. One of the events of life beyond now is the visit to San Diego to assist Kimberly and Natalie as Kimberly continues to work while Nate is in Bolivia doing research for his Thesis. Baby sitting your grandchild is really tough but someone has to do it. I will then have to go back the first of August to welcome Natalie's little brother.
Every Tuesday, I come home from work and there is Dick mowing ALL of the lawns. What a gift! I keep checking the gas cans to keep then filled and they are always full. I think that Dick and I have to have a discussion! Dick's wife, Diane, has pulled so many weeds for the land. Those two have been wonderful stewards of the land.
For now, there is much to get done but I have had some great times of Solitude this morning as it has rained most of the morning. Reminded me of the service a year ago.
Thank you to all for your support in prayers, the e-mails, cards and especially to those who remembered a year ago and let me know.
Shalom,
Ann
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
More Remembering
I think it will take me a while to stop thinking 'updates" but I will just go with the flow. Today a year ago we were informed that Bob's cancer was 'invading the treatment." I guess I do look back. In the past, when I have gone to or experienced special places, I 'remember' and re-live so to speak.
I have been finding comfort in reading the Caringbridge Book that Nate and Kimberly gave. In a different way, it has been comforting and I read it without crying. I am feeling "relief"more than ever that Bob is not in pain.
The Japanese Lilac Tree that the nurses gave is in bloom. That is the way they wanted it when they picked it out--to bloom in memory of the time Bob left us.
Karen, Mike, Ethan and I will be heading to the North Shore Tuesday to "Remember" in the place that Bob loved to go to and where we as a family went several times. His very special times were hunting with John and Ethan. He also loved taking Bethel students up there in the quiet and see and do things that always bring laughter as he told the stories so many times. Kimberly, Natalie and Nate cannot be there as Nate will be in South America doing research and Kimberly is too close to the little guys birth. We go with her blessing.
Thank you to those that continue to put notes on Caringbridge. They are still a real blessing.
Shalom,
Ann
I have been finding comfort in reading the Caringbridge Book that Nate and Kimberly gave. In a different way, it has been comforting and I read it without crying. I am feeling "relief"more than ever that Bob is not in pain.
The Japanese Lilac Tree that the nurses gave is in bloom. That is the way they wanted it when they picked it out--to bloom in memory of the time Bob left us.
Karen, Mike, Ethan and I will be heading to the North Shore Tuesday to "Remember" in the place that Bob loved to go to and where we as a family went several times. His very special times were hunting with John and Ethan. He also loved taking Bethel students up there in the quiet and see and do things that always bring laughter as he told the stories so many times. Kimberly, Natalie and Nate cannot be there as Nate will be in South America doing research and Kimberly is too close to the little guys birth. We go with her blessing.
Thank you to those that continue to put notes on Caringbridge. They are still a real blessing.
Shalom,
Ann
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Remembering
Dear Family and friends,
I have chosen the eve of Memorial Day, 2009 to close caring bridge and to open Shire Notes, PRN.
As we near the one year anniversary of Bob's death, now less than a month away I thought that I would honor his life by sharing some things that you may have heard from him and then maybe not. As a veteran Bob was fiercely patriotic.
I remember so well the month before we were married as we were moving Bob into our first apt. I was unpacking a box with tons of bowling trophies. I noticed that all of them had the last name scratched out. I asked him about them and he said that it was his alias. Of course I asked him about it and he would not tell me. This was hurtful as I was thinking don't you tell your future wife everything? Even in his explaining that his information was not declassified and he was bound by law not to tell anyone, was little comfort to me. Well, I obviously got over it, but it did come up occasionally! Talk about loyalty and honor to his country. I saw the anger when a CIA agent was outed not long ago. To him that was treason. I remember that he told me when he got off the plane after being discharged and coming home from Japan, he knelt and kissed American soil. When we went to games and the National Anthem was played, occasionally there were a few tears. This was not just Country, but a part of who he was. He was loyal, and trusting. One of his favorite books and movie was, The Spy Who Came In From The Cold. When we hosted our book club one time, this book was his choice to read and discuss. I even learned a few things that night has he relived many of his experiences of his time in the Army as a Spy.
For me, life has been a strange, and different path. I am not crying as much, and I don't think that means a whole lot other than I am thinking more clearly and feeling more. As Spring has broken through with all its majesty, I am reminded of another Season here in MN that we loved. Yes, the dandelions are in full bloom and again, friends are coming to my aid in helping with mowing, weeding and future plans of a garden nearer to the house so it is easier to tend. Again, "How Do I Say Thanks?" The first anniversary, birthday and mother's day was cushioned by my children with flowers a week-end in the Cities --pampered and yes, a brother who also remembered. Thank you to all. Please don't stop praying for me and the children. The journey is still to be walked and just because a year is up next month, we still need to know God's Presence in our lives as we continue without Bob/Dad.
When Kimberly and Natalie came out for a visit last month, she brought with her a gift that was a bound copy of all the journal and guest book entries of Caringbridge. I was going through that before I started writing. On this day last year, Bob was having a fairly good day and we were all encouraged.
This past Tuesday, I visited a dear friend who will soon enter the gates of heaven. She and her husband discovered this place in Lanesboro. I told her that when she saw Bob to tell him that my computer crashed!! I don't think it will matter to him and that is okay.
"The crucible of change is our everyday world. The tools of our transformation are the choices arising from our everyday circumstances." God wants from me a relationship not a "Mechanical Transaction." ....Richard Foster. I am working on this.
Shalom,
Ann
I have chosen the eve of Memorial Day, 2009 to close caring bridge and to open Shire Notes, PRN.
As we near the one year anniversary of Bob's death, now less than a month away I thought that I would honor his life by sharing some things that you may have heard from him and then maybe not. As a veteran Bob was fiercely patriotic.
I remember so well the month before we were married as we were moving Bob into our first apt. I was unpacking a box with tons of bowling trophies. I noticed that all of them had the last name scratched out. I asked him about them and he said that it was his alias. Of course I asked him about it and he would not tell me. This was hurtful as I was thinking don't you tell your future wife everything? Even in his explaining that his information was not declassified and he was bound by law not to tell anyone, was little comfort to me. Well, I obviously got over it, but it did come up occasionally! Talk about loyalty and honor to his country. I saw the anger when a CIA agent was outed not long ago. To him that was treason. I remember that he told me when he got off the plane after being discharged and coming home from Japan, he knelt and kissed American soil. When we went to games and the National Anthem was played, occasionally there were a few tears. This was not just Country, but a part of who he was. He was loyal, and trusting. One of his favorite books and movie was, The Spy Who Came In From The Cold. When we hosted our book club one time, this book was his choice to read and discuss. I even learned a few things that night has he relived many of his experiences of his time in the Army as a Spy.
For me, life has been a strange, and different path. I am not crying as much, and I don't think that means a whole lot other than I am thinking more clearly and feeling more. As Spring has broken through with all its majesty, I am reminded of another Season here in MN that we loved. Yes, the dandelions are in full bloom and again, friends are coming to my aid in helping with mowing, weeding and future plans of a garden nearer to the house so it is easier to tend. Again, "How Do I Say Thanks?" The first anniversary, birthday and mother's day was cushioned by my children with flowers a week-end in the Cities --pampered and yes, a brother who also remembered. Thank you to all. Please don't stop praying for me and the children. The journey is still to be walked and just because a year is up next month, we still need to know God's Presence in our lives as we continue without Bob/Dad.
When Kimberly and Natalie came out for a visit last month, she brought with her a gift that was a bound copy of all the journal and guest book entries of Caringbridge. I was going through that before I started writing. On this day last year, Bob was having a fairly good day and we were all encouraged.
This past Tuesday, I visited a dear friend who will soon enter the gates of heaven. She and her husband discovered this place in Lanesboro. I told her that when she saw Bob to tell him that my computer crashed!! I don't think it will matter to him and that is okay.
"The crucible of change is our everyday world. The tools of our transformation are the choices arising from our everyday circumstances." God wants from me a relationship not a "Mechanical Transaction." ....Richard Foster. I am working on this.
Shalom,
Ann
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